Essentials for Parenting with ADHD

As most of you know, I'm a mom of two kids and I have ADHD. Parenting in general can be rough so navigating parenting with ADHD is sometimes pretty hard to manage. Over the years, I have developed some some tips and tricks to make parenting with ADHD easier that I want to share with you!

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Medication

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 16. I'm now in my thirties with two kids, so I've had to come up with habits, routines and essentials to make it through our days successfully. The number one thing that is a necessity for me personally is my ADHD medication. The type, dosage and reactions to meds vary from person to person with ADHD. Some people prefer stimulants, while others find non-stimulant medication better for them. I started taking medication shortly after I was diagnosed as a teen. Once we got the dosage and medication right (20 mg Adderal) I stayed consistently on that for about 10-11 years. After I had my daughter, I started seeing a neurologist because my psychiatrist who had originally diagnosed me retired. I met with a fantastic neurologist who helped me find a medication that worked. We settled on a form of Vyvanse with two pills every day; a 25 mg and a 37.5 mg I take at the same time in the morning. This medication is an extended release, which just means it lasts all day without having to take another pill. When we moved to Tennessee, I found a new neurologist who kept me on the same medicine until I got pregnant with my son.

I wanted to stay on my meds, if possible, so I could still function and be a good mom while pregnant. I was not on meds with when I was pregnant with my oldest because, at the time, it was recommended to not take medication while pregnant. Right after she was born, a study came out showing any effects that the medication has during pregnancy. My medical team consulted with each other, weighed pros and cons and eventually found a dosage they felt good about letting me take while pregnant, just with extra monitoring. I continued taking that dosage even after my son was born and am still on it today. I know other feel differently, but I feel like when I am on my meds, I am better emotionally regulated. My emotions are better regulated, I’m more patient and overall just am a better mom

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Sleep

The next thing I prioritize is getting enough sleep. This is something really important for everyone in general, but especially important for people who are neurodivergent. Sleep really impacts the brain and how the brain functions. I notice I really struggle when I don't get enough sleep and it ends really impacting my ADHD. If I don't get enough for enough consecutive days, my medication basically stops working. This has been a particular struggle that has become more evident since my son was born. My daughter was always a fantastic sleeper and my son is the exact opposite. He has never been the best sleeper, and even at 2.5 years old we are still dealing with consistent sleep issues with him. It's common for neurodivergent people to have a hard time sleeping, but most of my sleep woes are out of my control so I just have to push through the best I can, but it does make a massive difference when I get a solid night’s sleep. My tip for other parents is go to bed early if you can (something I often struggle with); that way, even if you’re woken up in the night or really early in the morning you have set yourself up to at least get a couple of solid hours.

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Hearty Breakfast

Getting a hearty breakfast in the morning works wonders for me. I find I am needing to eat something small as soon as I get up in the morning to kind of take off the edge of the hunger. Then, after an hour or so, I make hearty, good sized breakfast. Recently I've been doing two fried eggs and two hash browns from Trader Joe's, so I'm getting solid protein and carbs. A high protein breakfast really helps again with brain function and my meds seem to be absorbed more effectively. If I don't eat a good breakfast I can't stay focused, I'm flighty and agitated so prioritizing that is a big deal for me.

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Recognizing Mistakes and Apologizing

I feel like this is important for every parent, but something that I try to do is recognize when I've messed up and apologizing. I know a lot of us didn't experience this with our parents, but breaking that cycle is so important. Sometimes when I lash out, which can be common when you have ADHD, I have to take a step back, recognize it wasn't an appropriate reaction and then apologize to my kids and explain what happened. It's never an excuse, but an attempt to show them it's okay to mess up, you can apologize and move on. I want that to be modeled in an appropriate way for them. I've been trying to make it a point to explain what ADHD and autism are to my oldest. I want her to know that different people's brains work differently and how that can effect our reactions to situations

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Diagnosis Transparency

I feel its really important I explain to my kids, in an age appropriate way, what ADHD and autism are and how it impacts us. We have always been open about my daughter’s autism and as we have recently navigated the official ADHD diagnosis as well, we have been very open about it with her. I try and talk to her about how it impacts like her daily life and her interactions with friends, schoolwork, etc. I really struggled with school as a kid and I legitimately did not think I was smart. Getting diagnosed with ADHD really showed me it wasn't that I wasn't smart, it was just my brain was different and a typical school setting was hard, but there were accommodations that could make it better.

Another reason we try to explain how different brains work is so she can understand why, at times, I react the way I do in situations. For example, she often wants me to fully pay attention to her when we're driving in the car. I have explained to her that in the car, the most important thing for me to pay attention to is the road. However, when we have her music playing, she's asking questions, her brother needs something and I have a million other things going on in my head, I get really overstimulated and it makes it hard to fully pay attention to her story and answer her questions. We then talk about when an appropriate time for me to answer her questions would be and how we will get back to the conversation when I can be fully present with her.

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Embracing the Good and Bad Days

ADHD is different in everyone, but in women ADHD and its symptoms and fluctuate throughout their hormone cycle. Because of this, there are days in my cycle where my meds just don't work. On days like this I recognize I'm not going to be able to accomplish everything on my list, so I pivot to what I can do. I don't make myself feel guilty, but just embrace that this day is going to be different than planned and accept that it will be ok. I try to plan my day around what I think my brain CAN do for the day and embrace that not every day is going to be perfect. Since I know days like this will pop up, I try to have things on hand for my kids to do so that when I need a brain break day, they are still getting to do stimulating activities.

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Including Kids in Hyper-fixations

When possible I try to include and incorporate my kids into my hyper-fixations. Often times people with ADHD get hyper-fixated on things. This means we can get really into a certain hobby or activity and our brain craves the dopamine it gets from doing that specific hobby or activity. Then, when our brains don't get the dopamine from that task anymore we move onto something else that will give our brain the dopamine again. That's why many people with ADHD have a lot of different hobbies and then have a "hobby graveyard" where all of the supplies and unfinished projects go. Because of this, we often have the mindset we can do anything, since we have already tried so many things. I don't consider myself a master of anything, but there are a lot of things I can and try to do and I like to keep my kids involved so they can be apart of things that are making my brain happy too.

So, for example, my current project is the big build in my son’s room. Throughout the process, I have tried to include my son and let him play while I work so he's involved in the process. When I was doing embroidery a few months ago, I did a lot of embroidery projects for kids and their clothes, I let them explore what I was doing while I was doing it. That's one of the reasons why DIY is so great because I'm able to consistently use the skills for new projects so I don't get bored. There is always something new to do and seeing final projects just make me want to do more. I like to include my kids, safely let them use my tool, explain the process, etc. I know they love it and I love spending time with them.

Essentials for Parenting with ADHD | Give Yourself Grace

I've had my ADHD diagnosis for more than half my life, and I've been a parent for almost 9 of those years. I know my brain works differently and I've accepted that. I know days are going to be hard sometimes, but I'm not ruining my kids if I have a less than perfect brain day. I've learned to remind myself I'm trying and I'm doing my best, and at the end of the day, my kids are going to be ok.

Hopefully this was helpful for any other parents that are struggling with ADHD. Don't get discouraged, you're doing great!