Routines and How Structure Keeps Us Going

Routines & Structure, How It Keeps Us Going | What We Used to Do

Routines & structure are helpful for every kid but they can be critical for kids with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Having a rigid routine in place can make the difference between smooth bedtimes or morning and always fighting with your child.

We have always had a pretty strict bedtime routine for Jackie. When she was about 3 months old, we started doing baths, tummy time, reading and in bed by 8 pm with all screens off at 7:30. And we stuck to that routine. For the first few years of her life, that was perfect. And it’s works great for typical kids. Having a known routine can help with anxiety, winding down for bed and a lot of other things.

Since moving to Tennessee we have added a few things to our bedtime routine to help Jackie wind down and be ready for bed. We found that she was wanting to eat after we put her to bed. So we added a snack time into her routine. We also found that she wants to play right before bed and goes to bed much better if we allow her to play some, she picks what we do. Adding these things into our routine really helped Jackie but also pushed back when we started bedtime. 

Routines & Structure, How It Keeps Us Going |What We Changed

I started to notice in January that Jackie was having a hard time transitioning from one thing to another during our bedtime routine. So I used our favorite tool, the timer. The Husband refers to it as the best parent in the house. Our timer is set to make a duck sound when it goes off and Jackie has loved it since we started using it when she was 2. So I set alarms on my phone for when we needed to transition to a new activity during our bedtime routine. You can see our schedule in the picture below! I had to experiment with it a bit for a week to really see what time frames were best for each activity but we have been doing this exact schedule for about two months now and it’s been great! 

Routines & Structure, How It Keeps Us Going | How It's Going

We have seen a huge difference in how bedtime goes with using the timer. It also helps us as parents stay on schedule, because otherwise we can get distracted and don’t always want to be looking at the clock. We went from having exhausting bedtimes, to really enjoying that time together as a family. 

What about bath time? We always try to do bath time BEFORE our bedtime routine. Otherwise it cuts into the other things Jackie does during bedtime and we can end up with her wanting to eat after we have put her to bed or struggling to get her to wind down enough to even fall asleep.

Routines & Structure, How It Keeps Us Going | What Happens When We Veer off Routine

There have been a few times where I changed the schedule around to fit something that was going on that particular day. Within the first few weeks of doing this schedule, The Husband had back to back work calls all evening so it was just me and Jackie until 7:30. I decided that in order to make dinner, I would let Jackie watch Daniel Tiger downstairs while I made dinner and I’d put her pjs on in the family room. That was a BAD idea. This totally threw Jackie off and the extra screen time was too much for her. Since that day, we only put on pjs in Jackie’s bedroom and all screens are turned off at 7. And most nights go smoothly. Not all nights, but that’s not a surprise. 

We have a similar routine for mornings, to get her ready for school. I don’t use the timer in the mornings though because Jackie doesn’t respond to it as well in the mornings. But since we started having a more structured morning routine, she does a lot better getting ready for and leaving for school. 

I try to keep most of Jackie’s life structured so she knows what to expect. This isn’t necessarily realistic for her long term, but right now it’s very helpful for her anxiety, which helps with her behavior issues. She is happier and we are happier.